Saturday, March 14, 2015

Four Leaf Clover Crafts in March

We all have to pick our battles. Some choose grammar, some scream about using your turn signal. Most days, I'm just trying to get my 6 year old to put his dirty laundry within two feet of the hamper. Those who are burdened with extra hours burn out their Caps Lock light in the month of March. They hop from website to website, using shouty capitals to inform crafters that adding a fourth leaf to a clover makes it no more a symbol of St. Patrick's day than a pink heart, orange star, yellow moon, blue diamond, or purple horseshoe.

These St. Patty's Patriots are unconcerned that the use of all capital letters causes readers to question both their sanity, dexterity, and sobriety. (Holding down the shift key with one hand while pressing a letter with the other is a talent not normally displayed by those who have one hand occupied with a fourth adult beverage. And with all-lowercase letters being the stomping grounds for the tweens, that leaves the all-caps option.) They wish to electronically pluck the fourth frond from each lucky charm, with the zeal of a 13 year old boy ripping wings off a fly.

The Shamrock Police, no need for riot gear behind the safety of their touch screen, shout down bloggers creating 4 leaf clovers with their toddlers, and shame them with the ignorance of turning a shamrock into a quadripetal. This trichotomy has no room for another angle or another side. And no patience for those who confuse the luck of the Irish with a symbol for the trinity.

The real result of all these shamrock shenanigans: more rainbow crafts and pots o' gold.

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon you face
and may your shamrock only ever have three leaves because substituting a four leaf clover for a shamrock is like using a four lettered word in Sunday School. And I’m not talking about the nice words with four letters. I’m talking about the ones that make people gasp and ask if you kiss your mother with that mouth. Which is the strangest question ever because what other mouth would you kiss your mother with?

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

On Halloween Candy...

My two kids went trick or treating. And despite a disappointing number of dark porches on our street, they still managed to bring home an alarming amount of candy. Which was traded in for toys, Great Pumpkin Style.

This means I have a grocery bag full of candy hiding in one of my kitchen cabinets. Taunting me. We all know that there is only one way to get a bag full of candy to shut up.

Eat it. All of it.

I am determined to get all of this Halloween Candy out of my house... through my stomach. It's a sacrifice that has to be made. Belly up to the table. Let the season of sugar and gluttony begin.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

People Leave Stupid Commets

People leave stupid comments on blogs. Not every comment is stupid, but there are enough obnoxious ones for me to have an indentation in my desktop that perfectly matches my forehead.

Every time you leave a stupid comment, a kitten dies. This is a serious issue. At this rate, cats will become extinct by Tuesday. This is dire. It means the end of inspirational kitty posters, and tagging Instagram photos with #caturday. It means no more grumpy cat. It also means no more hairball vomit or filthy litterboxes... but we won't talk about that. Instead we'll think about the empty hole left in our heart, and our laps, as these obnoxious comments fell kittens in slash-and-burn dekittenation.

Since cuteness is at premium these days, I know you want to be part of the solution, not the problem. Here are a few of the stupidest comments out there. Feel free to add to this list in the comments.

Asking a question that was already answered in the post. If the post says "I used product X, but you can substitute it with whatever you have on hand," don't ask "can I substitute what I have on hand for product X?"

Asking a question that was already asked 5 comments ago. And answered 4 comments ago. And asked again 3 comments ago, and answered again 2 comments ago.

Asking a question that has nothing to do with the post. Think of the kittens, then find a more appropriate place for your question.

Wanting to know where to buy supplies - when supply links have already been added into the post. Those links were for everyone else. We have special links for you, right?

Commenting on the unsuitability of the craft. If a project is truly dangerous, you'll be tempted to point it out. But letting me know about the toxins in my food coloring, the danger of sniffing glue (when I've already mentioned using the product outdoors), or not letting children handle the hot glue gun is killing fluffy white kittens with blue eyes and perfect little paws. Cut it out.

What kitten-killing comments have you seen around the internets?

Friday, August 29, 2014

You Inspire Me

Hey Crafters. You inspire me. You inspire me to be snarky. To have something to say. To go out and craft myself. To find new way ways to create. And maybe, just maybe, inspire you a little bit as well. This week, I've tried to share with you some creative studs. You can find DIY projects made with studs over on 30 Minute Crafts. And here there have been lots of sexy boyfriends... hopefully they've helped get your juices flowing. Pick up a glue stick, some scissors, and whatever you can find in the recycling bin to create something simple. Head out to the craft store with nothing at all in mind - or maybe a grand project idea. See it through to the end, change your mind a dozen times, or toss it aside half finished. They joy of crafting is in the journey.

I hope your journey is an inspired one.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Hey Girl, Lemme watch you craft...

Today, I'm going to talk directly to the guys. Because the girls have already scrolled down to the eye candy, and are now frantically trying to wipe the drool off their keyboards before anyone notices. Guys... let me tell you... talk is cheap. Listening is where it is at. We girls have all kinds of serious problems. Whether to use red glitter or black. If we should press seams open or to the side. Why everyone calls it "Modge Podge" instead of Mod Podge. These are serious crafty issues that must be discussed. So pull up a chair while we're crafting, and just listen. Every now and then give us an "mmmm-hmmm" or a "really?" or if you're really into it... ask a question.

Because no matter what you look like with your shirt off... listening is sexy. Caring about what we're working on, and what our brains are thinking about while we're working on it is the sexiest thing you can do. However, if you follow it up by doing a load of laundry and emptying the dishwasher... chances are you won't get your full 8 hours of sleep tonight.

Oh, ladies... if the eye candy isn't leaving you satisfied, I've got some craft ideas that use an entirely different kind of studs... check out the stud crafts over at 30 Minute Crafts.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Hey Girl, I love your chalkboard crafts...

Certain crafts are super trendy. Chalkboard. Mason Jars. Pennants. Slap some chalkboard on a mason jar in the shape of pennants, and you've got a winner. The men in our lives aren't all crafters... so they're not all aware of these trends. In fact, some are completely oblivious. So it is nice when they give a salute to our craftiness.

I'm celebrating studs in crafting all week long. If this isn't the kind of crafting stud you had in mind, you can go check out the stud crafts on 30 Minute Crafts using metal-fastener type studs. You know, if that's more your speed. I won't judge. Out loud.

In case you're wondering, I don't know the guy in the photo, I bought the image from istock photo and added my own text. All rights to the original image belong to them and the photographer.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Hey girl, I would love to run to the craft store...

Don't you hate it when you are working on a craft project and you go to reach for the glitter, or glue stick, or Mod Podge, or whatever... and... oops! You're all out. Which means a trip to the craft store. Not that I don't love a trip to the craft store. My bank statement clearly indicates my devotion. But there is a time and a place. Like when the kids are in school, and I have a latte in hand. Not when I'm in the middle of a project.

However, this guy might make the trip a little less painful. Because, you know, everything is less painful when you've got someone who is easy on the eyes. Or a latte. Or both.

I'm sharing some awesome studs over here this week... but if you want an excuse to head to the craft store, check out the stud crafts going on over at 30 Minute Crafts. Quick and easy stud crafts. Quickies with studs? Hmmm... yeah. Up to you!