Wednesday, November 5, 2014

On Halloween Candy...

My two kids went trick or treating. And despite a disappointing number of dark porches on our street, they still managed to bring home an alarming amount of candy. Which was traded in for toys, Great Pumpkin Style.

This means I have a grocery bag full of candy hiding in one of my kitchen cabinets. Taunting me. We all know that there is only one way to get a bag full of candy to shut up.

Eat it. All of it.

I am determined to get all of this Halloween Candy out of my house... through my stomach. It's a sacrifice that has to be made. Belly up to the table. Let the season of sugar and gluttony begin.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

People Leave Stupid Commets

People leave stupid comments on blogs. Not every comment is stupid, but there are enough obnoxious ones for me to have an indentation in my desktop that perfectly matches my forehead.

Every time you leave a stupid comment, a kitten dies. This is a serious issue. At this rate, cats will become extinct by Tuesday. This is dire. It means the end of inspirational kitty posters, and tagging Instagram photos with #caturday. It means no more grumpy cat. It also means no more hairball vomit or filthy litterboxes... but we won't talk about that. Instead we'll think about the empty hole left in our heart, and our laps, as these obnoxious comments fell kittens in slash-and-burn dekittenation.

Since cuteness is at premium these days, I know you want to be part of the solution, not the problem. Here are a few of the stupidest comments out there. Feel free to add to this list in the comments.

Asking a question that was already answered in the post. If the post says "I used product X, but you can substitute it with whatever you have on hand," don't ask "can I substitute what I have on hand for product X?"

Asking a question that was already asked 5 comments ago. And answered 4 comments ago. And asked again 3 comments ago, and answered again 2 comments ago.

Asking a question that has nothing to do with the post. Think of the kittens, then find a more appropriate place for your question.

Wanting to know where to buy supplies - when supply links have already been added into the post. Those links were for everyone else. We have special links for you, right?

Commenting on the unsuitability of the craft. If a project is truly dangerous, you'll be tempted to point it out. But letting me know about the toxins in my food coloring, the danger of sniffing glue (when I've already mentioned using the product outdoors), or not letting children handle the hot glue gun is killing fluffy white kittens with blue eyes and perfect little paws. Cut it out.

What kitten-killing comments have you seen around the internets?

Friday, August 29, 2014

You Inspire Me

Hey Crafters. You inspire me. You inspire me to be snarky. To have something to say. To go out and craft myself. To find new way ways to create. And maybe, just maybe, inspire you a little bit as well. This week, I've tried to share with you some creative studs. You can find DIY projects made with studs over on 30 Minute Crafts. And here there have been lots of sexy boyfriends... hopefully they've helped get your juices flowing. Pick up a glue stick, some scissors, and whatever you can find in the recycling bin to create something simple. Head out to the craft store with nothing at all in mind - or maybe a grand project idea. See it through to the end, change your mind a dozen times, or toss it aside half finished. They joy of crafting is in the journey.

I hope your journey is an inspired one.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Hey Girl, Lemme watch you craft...

Today, I'm going to talk directly to the guys. Because the girls have already scrolled down to the eye candy, and are now frantically trying to wipe the drool off their keyboards before anyone notices. Guys... let me tell you... talk is cheap. Listening is where it is at. We girls have all kinds of serious problems. Whether to use red glitter or black. If we should press seams open or to the side. Why everyone calls it "Modge Podge" instead of Mod Podge. These are serious crafty issues that must be discussed. So pull up a chair while we're crafting, and just listen. Every now and then give us an "mmmm-hmmm" or a "really?" or if you're really into it... ask a question.

Because no matter what you look like with your shirt off... listening is sexy. Caring about what we're working on, and what our brains are thinking about while we're working on it is the sexiest thing you can do. However, if you follow it up by doing a load of laundry and emptying the dishwasher... chances are you won't get your full 8 hours of sleep tonight.

Oh, ladies... if the eye candy isn't leaving you satisfied, I've got some craft ideas that use an entirely different kind of studs... check out the stud crafts over at 30 Minute Crafts.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Hey Girl, I love your chalkboard crafts...

Certain crafts are super trendy. Chalkboard. Mason Jars. Pennants. Slap some chalkboard on a mason jar in the shape of pennants, and you've got a winner. The men in our lives aren't all crafters... so they're not all aware of these trends. In fact, some are completely oblivious. So it is nice when they give a salute to our craftiness.

I'm celebrating studs in crafting all week long. If this isn't the kind of crafting stud you had in mind, you can go check out the stud crafts on 30 Minute Crafts using metal-fastener type studs. You know, if that's more your speed. I won't judge. Out loud.

In case you're wondering, I don't know the guy in the photo, I bought the image from istock photo and added my own text. All rights to the original image belong to them and the photographer.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Hey girl, I would love to run to the craft store...

Don't you hate it when you are working on a craft project and you go to reach for the glitter, or glue stick, or Mod Podge, or whatever... and... oops! You're all out. Which means a trip to the craft store. Not that I don't love a trip to the craft store. My bank statement clearly indicates my devotion. But there is a time and a place. Like when the kids are in school, and I have a latte in hand. Not when I'm in the middle of a project.

However, this guy might make the trip a little less painful. Because, you know, everything is less painful when you've got someone who is easy on the eyes. Or a latte. Or both.

I'm sharing some awesome studs over here this week... but if you want an excuse to head to the craft store, check out the stud crafts going on over at 30 Minute Crafts. Quick and easy stud crafts. Quickies with studs? Hmmm... yeah. Up to you!

Monday, August 25, 2014

Hey Girl, I Ripped my Pants

I just love a guy who wants to help out with my crafts. Like this guy. Ripping his pants, and then thinking that I might want to craft with them. Awesome. Because, seriously, there are tons of awesome crafts that can be made with old denim. Lots.

I'd name them, but um... I'm a little distracted by Mr. NC-17 up there. What? That isn't NC-17? Not even R? More like PG-13? Wow. That's what happens when your days are filled with glue sticks and Sesame Street. Either way, enjoy. More tomorrow.

However, I CAN tell you about making crafts with studs. Not the kind in the photo, but the kind that are pokey. Oh, wait... I mean the kind that are fun to craft with. Hmmm... the kind you can buy on Amazon? Well... head over to 30 Minute Crafts for a quick studded shirt craft, if you want to know what I'm talking about. Or, you can just hang around here for the eye candy.

In case you're wondering, I don't know the guy in the photo, I bought the image from istock photo and added my own text. All rights to the original image belong to them and the photographer.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

CraftSnark Definition of Easter

Last night, at about 11:00 as I was stumbling around the backyard trying to hide Easter Eggs in places they wouldn't get sprayed by the sprinklers this morning, I realized what Easter has become.

I have things that need doing, projects that need finishing, e-mails that need writing, but I also want my kids to have a good Easter. So after the kids go to bed, I create Easter baskets, fill plastic eggs, decorate the Easter table, and get my bunny on.

In the morning I'm greeted with "This is AWESOME!" and "I LOVE the Easter Bunny!" Which is fun. Until a few hours later, after the chocolate egg and jellybean-fueled race around the backyard is over. That's when I get the sugar-crashed kids who won't listen, won't nap, and spend the afternoon pestering each other.

My children will only be small for a short while, so I enjoy these opportunities to be part of the magic. It just feels like I'm getting the short end of the wand.

Friday, April 4, 2014

On Getting Caught Up

I love being busy, and I love what I do. Which is good, because things have been busy lately. Very busy. In the best ways. But it means a constant to-do list. And I'm not quite sure what to do about that. The constant feeling of not being caught up. Sure, maybe I'll get the dishes all done... but the laundry needs folding and the bathrooms need cleaning. Or maybe I'll finally mail off a bunch of cards and photos that have been sitting around for weeks... but I have two Christmas gifts that need to be sent out... and it is already April.

If there was a way to get it all done without feeling behind, would I really want that? I truly enjoy being busy, and constantly having things to do. Having a whole list of things that need doing lets me choose what my creative mind wants to do first.

Maybe being caught up is overrated?

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Hamster or Second Sled Dog?

Hamster or the Second Dog on a Sled Team? This one is going to take a little explaining...

I was chatting online with a friend, and mentioned to her that I was feeling like a hamster on a wheel. I've got tons and tons of projects going on right now... but most of them are future things that I can't post, lots that I can't even Instagram. Because they're for contests or magazines. So they have to stay all G-14 Classified. Some of them are for future series, and I'm trying to get them done so I don't have to stress at the last minute. So I'm working like an even crazier than normal lady, but don't have a lot that I can show for it. Like a hamster on a wheel... I'm running, but the view isn't changing, and I'm getting off at the same point I got on.

Which later led me to think about the expression about being the second dog on a sled team. You know, not the lead dog, but the dog right behind the lead dog. You're running, running, running (or is it mushing, mushing, mushing?), and you're making progress... but the view doesn't change. In fact, the view for the second dog isn't so great at all.

And that's where the question comes up. Would I rather be a hamster with a great view of some kid's messy room, running and making no progress... or the second dog on a sled team making huge strides while staring at someone else's behind the whole time?

I'm thinking I'll pick option C, and just promote myself to first sled dog. Which means I need to get myself a set of directions. So maybe I'll be the hamster that bites my owner, gets dropped, and lives out my days fat and happy... until the family buys a cat.

It seems there is no winning in the worlds of dogs and hamsters.

Friday, January 3, 2014

What You Missed in 2013

Bloggers all over blogland are posting lists of their most popular posts for 2013. Which is great. They're giving their readers big ol' lists of stuff that their readers have already read. And we know they read it because the stats show that they clicked on it, pinned it, shared it, and so on. So, all these "Most Popular Posts of 2013" posts are really "Here is all the Crap you've already Seen".

To keep things fresh. Here are the LEAST popular posts on CraftSnark in 2013. Yup, I scoured my stats to see what you missed last year, so you can catch up on the CraftSnark my stats tell me you never saw.

You're welcome, internet.

Here they are, ending with the absolute least popular post of 2013:

10. Quilt Now Sleep Later

9. Craft Definition of Clean

8. CraftSnark Definition of Love

7. True Friends

6. How the CraftSnark Measures Success

5. Craft Definition of Errands

4. The Very Best Easter Ever

3. When Cleaning Really Happens

2. My Day is not Complete...
1. My To Do List...