Saturday, March 14, 2015

Four Leaf Clover Crafts in March

We all have to pick our battles. Some choose grammar, some scream about using your turn signal. Most days, I'm just trying to get my 6 year old to put his dirty laundry within two feet of the hamper. Those who are burdened with extra hours burn out their Caps Lock light in the month of March. They hop from website to website, using shouty capitals to inform crafters that adding a fourth leaf to a clover makes it no more a symbol of St. Patrick's day than a pink heart, orange star, yellow moon, blue diamond, or purple horseshoe.

These St. Patty's Patriots are unconcerned that the use of all capital letters causes readers to question both their sanity, dexterity, and sobriety. (Holding down the shift key with one hand while pressing a letter with the other is a talent not normally displayed by those who have one hand occupied with a fourth adult beverage. And with all-lowercase letters being the stomping grounds for the tweens, that leaves the all-caps option.) They wish to electronically pluck the fourth frond from each lucky charm, with the zeal of a 13 year old boy ripping wings off a fly.

The Shamrock Police, no need for riot gear behind the safety of their touch screen, shout down bloggers creating 4 leaf clovers with their toddlers, and shame them with the ignorance of turning a shamrock into a quadripetal. This trichotomy has no room for another angle or another side. And no patience for those who confuse the luck of the Irish with a symbol for the trinity.

The real result of all these shamrock shenanigans: more rainbow crafts and pots o' gold.

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon you face
and may your shamrock only ever have three leaves because substituting a four leaf clover for a shamrock is like using a four lettered word in Sunday School. And I’m not talking about the nice words with four letters. I’m talking about the ones that make people gasp and ask if you kiss your mother with that mouth. Which is the strangest question ever because what other mouth would you kiss your mother with?